How do you deal with the negative comments?
Thursday, December 31st, 2009
People are genuinely curious on how big families operate.
We receive two kinds of questions:
- How do YOU deal with negative comments about YOU?
- How do you deal with a culture that looks down on big families?
First answer: we ignore them. There are TV gossip sites that enjoy judging everyone and anyone that appear on television. I guess we’re of the crowd that gets judged. We pray seriously about every media opportunity that comes our way, and we’re confident that God has used those opportunities to touch people’s hearts. We live transparent lives. Sure, this gives some an opportunity to judge us, but it gives us the opportunity to live free. Why fear the words of judgmental men and women?
Second answer relates to any family who has more than, say, two kids. “How do you deal with a culture that looks down on big families?” Answer: We don’t believe in this presumption. This isn’t just an opinion; we really don’t think we live in such a culture. Who says the culture looks down on big families? Hollywood, maybe, but not regular people we run into. When we venture into Wal-Mart with a dozen-plus kids in tow, without exception we get asked if they are all ours. Daring ones ask us more valuable questions like how we manage them all, how we feed them, etc. Again, this gives us an opportunity to be transparent and share honest answers. This FAQ section is an example of our transparency, and it is one of the most popular areas of our Web site.
People do not “look down” on big families. People are curious. Since we live transparent lives free from others’ snappy judgments, we’re more than happy to share our experiences. We’re “live and let live” folks. If God is calling you to have two kids, by all means, have two kids. You’ll be like most couples in the world, and that’s fine, and our family of 15 children will continue to marvel you. God’s calling for you–how He convicts you personally–is what is important.
“Conviction” is a beautiful concept for followers of Christ, and our obedience to allow God to bless us with children stems from a personal conviction. Here’s the kicker: this question is asked by parents who are experiencing the same conviction. This FAQ is for them. How will YOU deal with the negative comments? Here’s our suggestion: ignore them.
You see, there really is no criticism that can penetrate genuine godly conviction. God is love (1 John 4:16), and he loves you and me and convicts us to follow his calling. What is so bothersome about that? The only bother is when we listen to the presumption–the so-called “culture”–and how we should look and act and live like everyone else. If we all listened to the culture, we would have no leaders, no innovation, no heroes, no martyrs. Do you want to have faith like that of a martyr? Walk in God’s path, even if it means walking into condemnation from the culture.
We hesitate to equate ourselves with martyrdom, or claim that we are persecuted. We can hardly call the joyful life of 15 children “persecution.” Our life is filled with unfettered joy–and it’s nonstop around here. This joy is the direct consequence of having so many blessings running around the house, which is, frankly, a direct result of following our personal convictions. If God is calling you and your spouse to have another child, go for it. Be honest with yourself: you’re on this Web site for a reason, and if you need validation to break from the norm and have another child, you just found it.
The snippy comment from a gossiper rolls off our backs, and they should roll off of yours, too.
December 31st, 2009 at 10:39 am
I agree I only have 6 kids but people are always saying things and I just give them the standard reply “I would have 20 if I could”. THey usually just walk away. I do have a question to add to this was there ever a time when you (Chris and Wendy) did feel on the sme page with having another child? I would obviously LOVE many more children but my husband says he is DONE, I pray all the time that he opens his heart to more, but my baby is now 3.5 and nothing has changed.
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December 31st, 2009 at 11:54 am
Excellent answer to the question. No man on this Earth is authorized to judge another man. You are right to ignore such comments from those who simply look to judge others. You are following God’s call, and there is no shame in that!
December 31st, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Yes,it’s truly impossible to say anything bad about a family who loves children,whether they have one or many,or very many!
December 31st, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Good post!
We have a large family and we do not seem to get a whole lot of judgement. We do receive a little negativity from our neighbors,though. I guess we are kind of loud. I think we received the most negative comments about our family choice when we were going from four children to five. That seemed to be hard for many to understand,mostly extended family. Although we knew we were folowing God’s plan for our family,that judgement got me pretty worked up and I would think ‘do they know something about me that I do not’? I was quick in my weak moments to forget what God was showing us. I am SO glad that we did not let the judgement of others override where God was leading us! Once we were expecting baby number 6 those same people who were hard on us before were just fine with our growing family. Now with fourteen children (eight bio and six adopted) we are so glad we did not cave in to the judgement of others.We would have missed out on SO much.
January 2nd, 2010 at 10:35 am
As for myself I think I’m my biggest judge, if that even makes sense. I have four and most days feel out of control and I think there is no way I could handle another. That is probably a common feeling for all larger families when their children where all still very young. I don’t like it when people tell me how many kids I should have so I don’t tell people how many they should have. However, for me it’s not just about personal conviction. I believe the Bible is clear about children and their part in the family. So if you are married, of child bearing years and physically able I find it hard to justify not having more kids and believe me I have tried. I’n the end we will all be happiest with the family God has given us whether it be two or ten children. Thats what I try and think about on those not so great days! Thanks to the Jeubs for being transparent. It’s an encouragement to me to see a real family that just happens to have fifteen kids.
January 3rd, 2010 at 12:47 pm
Excellent reply to a question that I get frequently and we only have 3 girls! I pray daily that God will bless us with more. Your family is such an encouragement to us and we pray for your family often.
January 7th, 2010 at 10:08 am
What I find interesting is that my husband and I have never complained about the number we have, or talked about it like it is a heavy burden. Then, we get a reply like..”oh, you must be tired” or “you sure have your hands full”..with a concerned look. Sure we get tired, so do parents with one child. My husband loves to say, “we would rather have our hands full than empty”. We don’t say that to say that our life is better than a couple that isn’t able to have children, just letting folks know that it doesn’t bother us to have our 8. Our children are not a surprise to us, they are blessings. Each one with different needs, and opportunities to minister to. Lord bless you all and strengthen you daily!!!!
January 10th, 2010 at 8:38 pm
i was very excited to see the show,I called my mother the next day and said i found people like me . my husband and i have6 sons and he has 2 other children from before we met!most people dont understand, it was so wonderful to find out about faMILIES LIKE YOURS!
January 14th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
I have seven wonderful children. My question always is which one of my children shoud I not have had. I can honestly say my life is fuller with them in it. Even if thier are days I can picture God laughting at me.