We changed the name from “Have Another Child” to “Love Another Child.” We were struggling with a part of the book that reflects on broken families who cling to the idea that bringing children into the world will fix their family. Having children alone–without love–is just as ugly as any family absent of love.

Who knows what the editing process will weed out, but a table of contents has been established. I grabbed a snippet from each chapter and pasted it below. We hope to have the book in entirety off to the publisher by the Ides of March.

Chapter 1: Our Early Convictions

We do have this regret: we wished we understood the profundity of love at a younger age. This book doesn’t end with a legalistic command to have another child. The title is Love Another Child, and for good reason. If we would have had that mom and dad of a dozen kids next door pour their wisdom on us when we were young and struggling with our convictions, we imagine them telling us to love our children more.

Chapter 2: The Camera Eye

Let’s be clear: we pray over every single media opportunity we have, and this opportunity seemed to open up quite naturally, as if God was blessing it. We’ve turned down opportunities before, even some that promised large compensation. We interviewed with the CBS producers and were convinced that they were genuine, honestly seeking answers to our unique lifestyle. We don’t doubt they were interested; granted, we live an odd life and people are genuinely curious about our family. But “Born to Breed”? What a stupid title. We grew worried at how we would be portrayed, but by then there was nothing we could do. Besides, our faith, not our doubt, directs our steps. God opened this door for us, so no matter what happened–ridicule and shame included–we were going through with it.

Chapter 3: Financially Speaking

It isn’t poverty that is a shame, it is an impoverished mentality that is. What a shame it is when parents carry this weight around their neck. Rather than put their resources to work and together fend for themselves, they bury their God-given talents and accept the impoverished mentality. Shame.

Chapter 4: Our Environment

Our hope is that someday men will look back at the practices of the 20th and 21st centuries and ask the same questions we ask of previous centuries. How could they have justified such atrocity? We ask this of slavery, how a free nation could allow buying and selling of human beings. It is with the same blind idea that we justify the restriction of the birth of children. Human life is devalued, always illogically so. We don’t buy their bag of goods, and neither should you.

Chapter 5: Fear of Child Bearing

We have been extremely disappointed to see some Christian leaders jump on the bandwagon of environmental lunacy. They fall for the premise that “good stewardship” (the Biblical root of environmental concern) means liberal political advocacy that responds to the great fear that earth is on the verge of being destroyed by mankind. Good heavens, the air we exhale (CO2) has now been labeled a pollutant. Keep this book; I guarantee that a few generations from now people will look at such lunacy like we do at leech bleeding of the 1800s.

Chapter 6: Making Love

It’s unnatural, really, to fight the attraction a married couple has, especially at the times when the woman is most fertile. Saying “no” when the female’s body is saying “yes” is painful, yet millions of couples resort to this. This is the way of NFP (Natural Family Planning), abstaining when you want to engage the most. It lends to the popular joke about NFP: “What do you call couples who practice NFP? Parents.” It is largely because their wills weren’t able to stand it, they made love when their bodies demanded it, and they were blessed with a child. We say, “Amen,” to that.

Chapter 7: Loving Your Children

When pressed, most parents will vehemently say they love their children. Who wouldn’t? It is when they are alone with their closest confidants that they open up and are more truthful. There are those children who get under our skin. Now, we have 15 children, so we have a lot of personalities to deal with. Loving some have been more difficult than others, but not impossible. Unfortunately, many (most?) parents allow unlove to fester toward one or two children–the tougher children–and the results are devastating to the family.

Chapter 8: Getting Right With Love

It is difficult to share this story with you, brief as it is. The wounds have healed in the past five years, but the pain is easily remembered and felt. In a nutshell, we were told to leave because we refused to support the excommunication of one of our church members, a sitting elder no doubt. The other elders told us we were in sin for not throwing our support behind them. Their favorite chapter to quote was Hebrews 13; not the opening verse “Keep on loving each other as brothers” (Hebrews 13:1), but later in the chapter, “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority” (Hebrews 13:17). We refused, therefore in sin, so “there’s the door, Jeubs.”

Chapter 9: Check Out or Stand In

What is there to appreciate about normality, anyway? Do any of us really think we’ll lay back on our deathbeds and ponder, “So glad we were just like our neighbors”? The deathbeds of parents who welcomed children as blessings will be surrounded with a rich and diverse heritage. The childless do not share in this fortune, and one of the saddest realities of our modern world is that most of the childless are so by choice.

Chapter 10: Your Heritage

It isn’t surprising, really, to see similarities. Our personal conviction is quite common: have children, open your heart to the idea of several children, and let God’s love pour in to lead you through the blessed heritage. This “movement” is not a product of a slick marketing campaign, funded by some huge subsidy, or led by an underlying denomination or theology. It is as simple as this: God is pressing on parents’ hearts to Love Another Child.

]]> http://jeubfamily.com/2010/03/10/love-another-child-table-of-contents/feed/ 5 http://jeubfamily.com/2010/03/08/more-than-once/ http://jeubfamily.com/2010/03/08/more-than-once/#comments Tue, 09 Mar 2010 05:26:36 +0000 Cynthia Jeub http://jeubfamily.com/?p=698 Someone who claims to be “willing to try anything once” is often seen as brave. This person will be the first one to be invited to a sushi diner or to go sky diving.

But I’ve done a lot of things once. Once, I managed to climb a tall excruciating mountain. Once I found the place I was headed for without having to turn around or call for directions. Once I ate something I thought I wouldn’t like.

The real challenge is not when you do something for the first time. The real challenge comes when you do something once, realize how hard it is the first time, and dare to do it again.

Christ commands us to do things that are hard. We know that they are hard because we tried them once already and know the pain it caused. “Love your enemies. Forgive four hundred and ninety times. Don’t keep record of wrongs.”

I’ve tried all of these things once – I’ve loved, I’ve forgiven. But is that truly the goal, or only the first step? Again and again God proved to the Israelites that He was slow to anger by forgiving them, coming to their rescue. How often do I reflect this?

Today, I have a new plan of action. I’m going to think back to something I did that was hard, something I didn’t really enjoy doing, but should have. Then I’ll do it again. Because God doesn’t call us to just test the water. He calls us to leap out of the boat and start walking.

I took a quick drive to Taco Bell and listened to Rush Limbaugh get attacked by callers for admitting to have never used coupons. I’m shocked. How did Rush get a transcript of our new book without our knowledge? I’m changing my server passwords. I had better get this posted now or else the Maha Rushie will come after us for plagiarism. Rush didn’t take on bread baking, but the coupon section sounds eerily familiar. Here’s a sneak peak from our chapter “Financially Speaking”:

On a side note: we don’t bake our own bread. Through the 1990s there was a cultural expectation among stay-at-home mothers to bake their own bread. We looked into it and figured at least a few hundred dollars worth of hardware and ingredients that would end up costing more than the bread outlet. Add to that the labor of messing up the kitchen and the cost of running the oven all day long for a family our size, we are glad we blew off this expectation. For us, it was a no brainer: no way are we baking our own bread.

We’ve literally had mothers at conferences come to us as if we lifted the world from their shoulders. “Thank you, thank you, for telling me you don’t bake your own bread! I’m never baking my own bread again!”

We don’t do coupons, either, and we get the same response from mothers who were told they should do the coupon game. We considered all the time it took to cut coupons and compared it to the savings, and our decision to axe the project was an easy one. Make no mistake about it: coupons are meant to get you to buy certain products, not to save you money. There isn’t anything inherently evil about coupons, but they do control the buyer, not the other way around.

The chapter goes on to explain how grocery store marketing is set up, coupons being one of many ways to draw you in to purchasing the product they (the stores and manufacturers) want you to buy. Whenever someone defends coupons by saying something like, “I saved 50% on my grocery bill because of coupons,” we demand to look at their list. “What list?” they reply, “You mean the receipt?” No, we mean the shopping list they started with. There seldom is one. They were led by the hand by the Sunday paper, told exactly what to buy, and they are now proud owners of a cupboard full of food they may not even get to.

So there you go, Rush. We have this time-stamped prior to your broadcast. It’s all original, and the book goes into further detail on how to save money and live the life God is calling parents to live. Now, back to writing…

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This offer is good for this month only, so start ordering up! And please send this email to your family and friends.

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We quote this verse in our CD Cheaper by the Baker’s Dozen. Providing for your family is the 1 Timothy 5:8 way, but is it really talking about financial provision alone? We’d be mistaken to think so. Children are to be taught the valuable lessons of good stewardship, but this is done in both poor and rich homes alike. How much money you have or don’t have makes little difference.

Take our family sport of hunting, for example. We claim that we “hunt for food,” but that really is with tongue-in-cheek. After what we spend on traveling, ammo, gear, etc., hunting is a very expensive method for gathering meat. We hunt for a much deeper, more eternal reason than meat. These include heritage, conservation, family, and rich moments in God’s great outdoors. Sure, there is something to be said for taking advantage of the sport and getting as much in return as possible. From the permits we buy to the land we scout, our minds are on maximizing our hunting potential. We may dream of our trophy bull or buck, but we are thankful to God for whatever He blesses us with. The children are just as into that provision as the adults.

The Jeubs are hunters, but we aren’t the rowdy, shoot guns in the air, poaching type of hunters. We are conservationists who believe hunting is a heritage, much like agrarianism. Being a good steward of the earth is a biblical mandate, and hunting falls into that category of land and wildlife management that is necessary for a healthy environment. After dropping our elk, we make a habit of taking off our hats, kneeling, and laying a hand on the warm animal to give thanks to God for the provision blessed to us.

We choose hunting as a family activity largely because of the valuable life lessons it teaches: conservation, diligence, nature skills, camaraderie, safety and survival, and on the lessons go. Top on the list is provision. The children are eager to contribute to the provision of the family. Knowing that their hard work and diligent hunt brought the food on the table is a realization that sinks deep into the soul. The kids become creators of provision, walking in the image of God.

We butcher our own big game animals. Most hunters drop their animals at the local meat market. No shame in that, but we choose to butcher our own. It gives the entire family a piece of the action, even the little kids not yet old enough to hunt. We will name the choice cuts with the name of the hunter that brought down the animal, like “Lydia’s Tenderloin Steaks.” What better confidence builder is there than this: sharing a hearty elk steak meal with 16 others all saying, “This elk tastes great!” knowing that you were the one to provide?

This post has been taken from our new book Have Another Child, due out Mother’s Day 2010.

"This freedom is wonderful. This family life is liberating."

Life at our home is never boring. Activity is the rule of our days, and we thrive in it. We’re busy, but it isn’t dysfunctional busy, not like a workaholic who dives into an activity to avoid deeper issues in life. We’re busy because there is life going on in every corner of our house. Right now, the baby’s starting to stand up, the toddler is into spontaneous dancing, the preschooler is reading the alphabet, the boys are growing like weeds, the teenagers are preparing for debate and speech–we could go on and on. There is never a boring moment in our home. Children are our life and family is who we are.

Perhaps this is what people find so fascinating about big families like ours. Each child has such a dynamic personality that we have a tough time keeping up with every one. The social norm is approximately two children per couple, the nuclear family, perhaps one boy and one girl. I can imagine what they think of families like ours. “Wow, our family multiplied 7 or 8 times. That’s insane!” And they watch Kids by the Dozen, The Duggars, and Jon & Kate Plus 8 with extreme interest and curiosity.

We didn’t have reference to these popular shows early in our married life. Fifteen children was not even a thought to us. Honestly, we had difficulty with the idea of multiple children, letting them come one after another, because no one in our social circles was doing anything close to what was on our hearts. Chris was a school teacher with more children than any of the other teachers in the entire district (a whopping five children at the time). When Isaiah was born, our firstborn son, all social pressures said it was time to stop. Opinions rolled in–usually unsolicited–from doctors, coworkers, neighbors, church, and extended family. We didn’t have a family of a dozen kids next door encouraging us to have another child. We were alone in our conviction.

On our hearts was a simple prodding: have another child. It wasn’t “have 15 children” or “have more children than anyone else.” Our convictions are very personal, shaped for our lives and our hearts, stemming from our personal relationship with God. As husband and wife, we prayed together and read scripture together. We reasoned together through our weak moments when we doubted our convictions and questioned our sanity.

Our doubts were strong at that time in our life, but our fertility was stronger. Despite a fair amount of effort, we had three boys right in a row: Isaiah, Micah and Noah. Bing, bang, boom. Hardly a year between any of them. By 1998 we had seven children, 4 girls and 3 boys. We were still in our 20s and feeling incredibly healthy and blessed.

A funny thing happened at seven children. The social pressure disappeared. Our family and friends stopped dropping those annoying comments like, “Aren’t you done yet?” or “You do know how that happens, don’t you?” When you have two, you’re extremely normal; at four or five, you are in the same boat as many married couples, wondering whether or not to cut the line and stop having children. Once you’re at seven, you’re in Loonyland–you’re “out there” and there ain’t no persuading you.

Something happened to us, too. The pressures to conform began to roll off our backs. Instead of wondering if we were crazy, we would reflect on how exciting our life was. We laughed the wise cracks off. “You do know how that happens, don’t you?” Yeah, we do, but we refuse to give it up. Or yes, and we’re really good at it. And here’s one that I (Chris) told a newspaper reporter, and it ended up in the local paper: Wendy does, but she won’t tell me. Even cynics laugh with us.

We’re now in our 40s, have two adult children, a grandchild, three teenagers, two tweenagers, three middleagers (is there such a thing?), two kindergartners, three toddlers and a baby. We look back on our early 20s and think, how petty our anxiousness. We wrenched our hands and struggled with our convictions. For what? To avoid this life of limitless activity and joy and love? We are so happy we can hardly stand it. When we sit back and reflect (rarely happens in our busy life, but we manage to find the time now and then), we are incredibly thankful that we didn’t give in when we were young.

Perhaps this is why families find our life fascinating. We’re still young–we could have more children–and we live a free life without the burden of worry that we may have another child. Controlling conception doesn’t fill our thoughts, and discovering a pregnancy is, without any hesitation, joyous news. We make love without worrying something will “go wrong.” We welcome the blessing of children, and our home is filled with the joy of the prospect. This freedom is wonderful. This family life is liberating.

Deep down inside, couples wonder, “What would our life be like if we just let children come?“

Let us know what you think. Post something in the comments section…

Marriage, parenting, grandparenting--these are the things that define life.

Little is more gratifying than hearing of a former student meet the man of her dreams, fall in love, and announce her engagement to be married. I just got word that a former debate student became engaged yesterday. She was one of my favorite, went onto my alumni college, and I’m certain it was because of the recommendation letter I wrote for her (heh). Yesterday was her birthday, too, the same birthday as Wendy’s. Esther, whose Facebook wall today reads “I’m going to be Mrs. Andrew Wagner!” was one of those students I recall thinking, “If there isn’t a guy smart enough at Regis to…” Well, let’s just say that Mr. Wagner is a very smart guy.

A little more gratifying is when these married young couples start having children. Check out the beaming pride of Ron and Rachel, barely in their 20s with three kids already. I knew Ron when he was in high school, his father and I elk hunt together, and now his bride attends a book group with Wendy. Pretty daring on Rachel’s part, a book group of women in their 40s and 50s, yet she enjoys it. They’ve had three kids in four years, the last one being their first-born son. My kids babysit them when the ladies are out. A beautiful family. They’re so full of life and future and optimism, I can hardly stand it.

I see something in my dad’s eyes when I play with my grandson, Isaak. My dad sees something that I don’t fully comprehend, but I’m starting to. It’s similar to the joy I have for Esther/Andrew and Ron/Rachel. He sees me experiencing the joy of entering a significant life stage, that of a grandparent, and he finds joy in my discovery. Love for your grandchild is so different than love of spouse or child. Is there a love more freeing? I can let Alicia and Josh do the tough love of parenting, the kind of love that is often firm and uncomfortable. Isaak is coming over to spend the weekend with us soon. I can’t wait. Grandpa and Grandma (along with his 13 aunts and uncles) are going to pour so much love all over him. Simple, freeing love. If you’re a grandparent, you know what I’m talking about.

This is rather deep, but bear with me for a moment. Wendy and I are working on our next book, first draft due to the publisher at the end of the month. We haven’t nailed down a title yet, but the overwhelming theme in the book is this: have another child. This may end up the title. This may work for readers of this blog, but consider for a moment: what title could be more challenging, more controversial, than having another child?

Truth is, couples today make the mistake of avoiding it, dreading it, fearing it. Our book challenges couples to rethink the all-too-common persuasion that family life should be delayed. Marriage, parenting, grandparenting–these are the things worth living for. Jobs, degrees, travels, money–good things, perhaps, but they pale in comparison. They shouldn’t define your life, and those that are are sad lives. Family: this is what makes life worth living.

Ron’s dad and I were hunting together when he received a cell phone call from his son. Kendrick Rush Stauffer was born that day. At the news of his firstborn grandson, Ron’s dad–elk hunter, Boy Scout leader, business manager, genuine tough guy–wept. I’m certain Esther’s mom cried when she heard the news of her oldest daughter’s engagement. These stages in life bring meaning to it all. These are stages no one should miss.

Jeub Family

If you are on Facebook, become of Fan. Our publishing company, too, has a Facebook Page. We post news items about all our authors (we’re one of many), and if you are interested, become a fan:

Monument Publishing

And don’t forget Twitter! Micro-blogging is working great with our iPhones. Wendy and I both post on what’s going on in our busy lives. Here are the links:

www.twitter.com/chrisjeub
www.twitter.com/wendyjeub

It’s sort of nice having a rare name. The usernames and titles seem to always be available.

Last, but not least, is LinkedIn. Wendy opted out of this one. A mom of 15 need not more social media sites to manage. LinkedIn is especially nice for business-to-business ventures, which I love to connect. I frequent my profile often and love to make connections with other entrepreneurs:

Creativity: An "image of God" trait.

One of the main themes in Love in the House (1 of 5) is creativity, what Wendy and I call “an image-of-God trait.” Creativity separates us from animals. Our shelter, our food, our choices–they all require creativity. No other creature on earth can create anything, only humans can. This is what makes us unique, created in the image of God.

Cynthia, Lydia and I spent some time in California with the Stout family. Marie was last week’s director for the Concordia Challenge (what was the largest homeschool speech & debate tournament in history). We arrived a couple days early and observed a bit of their homeschool. I was intrigued with Don’s weekly labs in his garage. See, Don is a patent attorney with two science degrees, so he and his boys–along with a few homeschoolers in the neighborhood–spend one morning a week to “do lab.”

I doubt he followed a formal science curriculum, and if he did, he steered his own course while just dabbling in it. Don loves science, and he creatively worked a lab into his busy schedule. He and his boys would wake up early once a week for lab, and Don made sure he scheduled a late arrival to the office that day. What fun!

The 16 hour drive home gave me time to think through a lot of things. I wake every morning with my boys to read Scripture, something we’ve been doing fairly consistently since August. We cover a chapter and talk about it. A great way to start the day. The boys and I then straighten up the house and make breakfast, waking the rest of the family to get the day started.

Now, creativity takes creativity, not conformity. I’m not a science guy like Don, and it would have been awkward for me to announce a weekly lab with my kids. (What happened to Dad? the kids would wonder.) I am an English teacher, a publisher, an editor and writer. Lab experiments wouldn’t go over well for me, but sentence structure, grammar and usage–whoa, baby, now we’re talking!

Time is also an issue. I’m a very busy guy. I barely am able to squeeze in the Bible lesson and breakfast with the family. How can I squeeze in language arts lessons? This is the weight I’m supposed to be carrying in our homeschool, and I hate to admit it, I’ve been a pretty lame teacher lately.

Tension. Time versus responsibility. Perfect breeding grounds for creativity. We read Matthew 21 this morning, and after a short discussion about Jesus praying, eating, sharing, buying, we launched a short lesson on suffixes and verb tense.

And we really got into it! I drew columns on notepaper and talked about the five verb tenses. Even I got a little confused, so we did a few Internet searches on the spot, discovered 12 verb tenses, and focused on the four “present” tenses, whipping up a lesson on these. As we whipped up eggs and bacon for a big breakfast, we talked about helping verbs and the ever-so slight differences between the four present tenses, bringing all sorts of examples into the discussion. The boys’ sisters woke up and heard us gabbing about “present perfect progressive” tenses, asking questions and stimulating more discussion.

This is what homeschool should be like, fully taking advantage of parent-child opportunities, spending time together and naturally working through the details of education. It reminds me of Deuteronomy 6:7, a favorite verse among homeschoolers, about teaching the laws of God: “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Or when you’re making breakfast. Or in the garage before heading to the office. You fill in the blank: when is the best time for you to press on your children the valuable lessons in education and spiritual growth?

I’m chalking up a daily activity for the kids and me. We’ll “do English” before heading to the office.

We constantly come up against fear when speaking with couples and their decision to have children, or not to have them. Though God is pounding on their hearts to have another child–or even their first one–they come up with all sorts of reasons not to. All of the reasons are based in fear: fear of poverty, fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of vulnerability and even love.

Parenthood is one of the greatest adventures in life, and couples rob themselves of the experience because of fear. The fear sometimes appears rational, as couples (typically the liberal, yuppie types) cite some college professor’s dissertation on why not to have children. They appear to cling to “reason.” Dig a little deeper, and their reasons are still based on fear. Overpopulation, harm to the environment, economic instability–all doom-and-gloom intellectual dispositions. These couples actually believe they are doing the world a favor by not having children, or at least having just one or two.

With a little bit of research and thought, we find these “reasons” to be extremely unreasonable. They’re laughable, really. While some look at our life with 15 children as “crazy,” it is difficult for us to look the DINK (double-income, no-kid) advocate in the eye without busting out laughing at their ridiculous ideas. Here are a few.

• The world is overpopulated already.
• Human beings harm the environment.
• The economy cannot bear a growing population.

These are the popular mindsets, and our educational system constantly drills these fears into our society. This is one of the biggest reasons we choose to home school. I taught as a public school teacher from 1993 to 2000, and I saw little more than worldview indoctrination in many classrooms. It appears that little has changed since then. A relative (bless her heart) bought my children all sorts of popular magazines for our children. The old classics, like Ranger Rick, could barely turn a page without ranting about the evils of CO2 or global warming. The magazines would come in the mail and very quickly get discarded into the trash.

Fear, fear, fear. No wonder parents don’t want to bring children into this falling, crumbling world? Even professing Christians fall for this nonsense. I’ve been in Bible studies with God-fearing men whose knees shake at the prospect of having children. “Why?” I ask them, and they answer some fear-based gibberish about the end of the world coming soon. More fear, and from the very people who should be fearless!

There are signs this ignorant tide is turning. Yesterday’s issue of Blue Book Report, the online news site that posts daily articles on the debate topic of environmental policy, posted an article about Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski’s attempt to block the EPA’s regulation of CO2. It is insane to think that an unelected executive department of government is attempting to regulate the very gas human beings exhale. In America, no less. What gives them such unlimited power? Fear of climate change, global warming, environmental damage. Never mind the scientific challenges to such fuzzy claims, just think of Al Gore’s claims of world devastation (be afraid!) and you will see the reasoning behind such political power.

Hollywood’s traditional Sherlock Holmes, the one with pipe in mouth and intellectual correction of Watson, looked to science as the solution for everything. This isn’t entirely true with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s creation. Fear is the reason for crime’s success, for the prevalence of frenzy and falsehood, in the true Sherlock Holmes. In the recent rendition, Hollywood gets it right this time.

“The temptation to form premature theories upon insufficient data is the bane of our profession.”

~ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Valley of Fear